063 Unlock Your Authentic Voice: A Journey Beyond the Words with Anneliese McCarthy

Hello and welcome back to Beyond the Words with me, your host Dimple Thakrar. In today’s episode, I’m thrilled to bring you a deep and meaningful conversation with the inspiring Anneliese McCarthy. Anneliese is a world-renowned public speaker who shares her unique approach to speaking and living authentically.

Episode Summary

Join us as Anneliese delves into her journey from battling social anxiety and a speech impediment to becoming a public speaking champion. She discusses her philosophy of integrating public speaking skills into daily life and the importance of being true to oneself. We explore how these skills are not just for the stage but are essential for building confidence and authentic connections in everyday interactions.

Key Takeaways

• Embracing Authenticity: Anneliese emphasises the power of being your true self and how it impacts your confidence and public speaking skills.
• Integrating Skills into Life: Learn how public speaking skills can enhance everyday interactions, from asking for a pay rise to making small talk.
• Overcoming Self-Doubt: Understand the common habits that undermine confidence and how to address them, such as second-guessing and lack of projection.
• The Role of Compassion: Discover the importance of self-compassion, consistency, and patience in personal growth and skill development.
• Practical Tips: Anneliese shares practical exercises like MirrorTalk and engaging in day-to-day conversations to build confidence and authentic presence.

Connect with Anneliese McCarthy:
To connect with Anneliese McCarthy, you can follow her on social media and visit her website. Here are the details:

1. Website: Her Speaking Coach - Visit her website for more information on her services, courses, and resources.
2. Instagram: @herspeakingcoach - Follow her for daily tips, motivational content, and insights into public speaking and personal growth.
3. LinkedIn: Anneliese McCarthy - Connect with her on LinkedIn for professional updates and posts about communication and confidence.
4. TikTok: @herspeakingcoach - Watch her entertaining and educational videos on TikTok for practical speaking advice.

This episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice. Whether you’re a seasoned speaker or just starting, you’ll find something to inspire and guide you on your journey to confident communication.

Dimple Thakrar Resource Links:

Website: https://dimpleglobal.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dimple.thakrar
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dimplethakrar/

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Welcome
• 3:13 Anneliese’s Journey into Public Speaking
• 7:08 The Essence of Authenticity
• 11:58 Integrating Public Speaking into Daily Life
• 17:33 Overcoming Social Anxiety and Self-Doubt
• 23:43 Practical Exercises for Confidence
• 29:28 Importance of Self-Compassion and Consistency
• 35:03 Navigating Personal Challenges and Growth
• 40:18 Creating Meaningful Connections
• 48:53 Final Thoughts and Closing Remarks

Transcript

Beyond the Words EP63

[00:00:00] Dimple Thakrar: Hello and welcome back to Beyond the Words with me, your host Dimple Thakrar. Today, I have the most beautiful guest. The first time I came across this woman, I was blown away with how effortlessly she presented herself. Unapologetically, not in the traditional, public speaking way. And that really magnetized me towards her.

[00:00:27] Dimple Thakrar: And so I started doing some of the things that she was talking about on social media. And it was at a time in my life when I was really going through a massive rebirth. And I'm going to go deeper into when that was. And I remember doing one of the specific things that she asked me to do. Asked everybody to do, but she was talking to me.

[00:00:48] Dimple Thakrar: And I remember doing it and messaging her on Instagram saying, this shit works. So we're going to dive deep. I have the honor and privilege today to have a world renowned public speaker, and she's way more than that. I would love to introduce Anneliese McCarthy today on my show, live from Australia.

[00:01:17] Dimple Thakrar: It's crazy that we can do this at the other end of the world. Welcome. Thank 

[00:01:21] Annelise McCarthy: you. What a beautiful introduction and it's genuinely such a pleasure and privilege to be here. It's quite bizarre actually. 'cause I feel like we know each other quite well, even though we don't really, but I feel like we've been in each other's lives for such a long time that I almost feel like we're family in a sense.

[00:01:41] Annelise McCarthy: It's quite strange. So yes, this truly is such an honor. Yes. To be on here and yeah, truly to be in conversation with you and to be guided in today's journey with you, it, I've been looking forward to this for so long, so I'm really excited. So thank you for having me. 

[00:01:56] Dimple Thakrar: Oh, thank you for being on. And I know that we did try to make this a in person one.

[00:02:02] Dimple Thakrar: But anyway, it's meant to be how it's exactly meant to be. And I know one day we will do an in person at some point. I just feel that in my heart. 

[00:02:10] Annelise McCarthy: 100%. I feel that. 

[00:02:12] Dimple Thakrar: So I want to start with actually what I want to start with is our journey together. And then I want to talk and I want As to move into your journey and how you got there, because what I have felt with your online presence and really felt your heart in that this desire you have to, for people, for women in particular, to have of the full expression of their authentic self.

[00:02:40] Dimple Thakrar: in life and on stage, right? And I feel that deeply. And I want to, I remember distinctly the time when I was going through a, I can only call it a rebirth. I was in Spain, I was on my own. It was during COVID and I was literally having a spiritual rebirth. And so I was working on myself for six weeks solid while writing my second book.

[00:03:07] Dimple Thakrar: And I remember listening to you thinking I'm a public speaker. I've done it for a long time. The first thing, the first public speaking event I did was when I was 13, and I won the event, right? And so it's something that's dear to my heart, but I'm always learning and growing and always wanting to improve.

[00:03:25] Dimple Thakrar: So I was following you. And what was different about you was, and I want the viewers to understand this, you speak about public speaking As you would speak about it in life, as you would do life. So some of the things that you were gifting me were how to build my confidence, how to actually love me more, how to understand me more.

[00:03:51] Dimple Thakrar: And it was irrelevant whether I was going to be on stage or in life. And that's what I love about your work. So tell me, how did you get to that? Why it's very different. I've had other, I have had speaking coaches and it's very strategic. It's all about the timing of things and all that's important.

[00:04:12] Dimple Thakrar: The time and how you open and, or, the standard stuff, which is great. It's a great foundational thing if you want to be a professional speaker, but you do it very different. Tell us how you got to that. 

[00:04:24] Annelise McCarthy: I firstly just want to say thank you. I feel so deeply seen and it's so beautiful to have a mirror of, a message that I'm so passionate about to hear that echoed back to me.

[00:04:37] Annelise McCarthy: In such an authentic way is very special for me to receive. So thank you for that. Firstly, it's interesting Dimple because so public speaking is something that I fell into as a kid because I had crippling social anxiety. I had a speech impediment. And it was something that I was really forced into. And then I spent years studying.

[00:04:59] Annelise McCarthy: I ended up becoming a very competitive in public speaking in my school. I went to the world championships of public speaking. I became public speaking captain. So my entire world became public speaking. And the older I became, I. Became so in admiration of the mastery that is public speaking and this craft that is speaking.

[00:05:22] Annelise McCarthy: But I found that the integration of public speaking in life, there was this weird kind of segregation I was noticing in the public speaking community. And that was that, The realm of public speaking only existed if you were standing on a stage and speaking to a thousand people or a room full of people or whatever it might be.

[00:05:42] Annelise McCarthy: And I just thought that's so interesting because all the skills that I had learned and all the training that I have done, these are skills that apply to day to day life, not just to. And so I think for me, to answer your question, it came from a place of, alignment of me believing that those skills are not only valuable for presenting a keynote on a stage, which, is also the work that I do and I love doing.

[00:06:09] Annelise McCarthy: They are also relevant to how you show up in your day to day life and how you become magnetic when connecting with strangers and how you build the confidence to advocate for yourself in a company, how you ask for a pay rise, how you demonstrate your worth to a group of people, how you make small talk.

[00:06:26] Annelise McCarthy: There are so many layers to what speaking is. And I think I, I feel so honored in the Presence that I've built and the company and the mission that I'm creating, that I'm really trying to find the intersect between those layers and explore how speaking and communication is not only a skill, but it is a habit.

[00:06:49] Annelise McCarthy: And it is a habit that we all do every single day. And for so many people over our lives, we have curated minute habits that have destroyed our confidence. that have crippled our ability to feel like we are worthy of being listened to in a room full of people, that have made us self doubt and question our worth and question whether what we say is quote unquote stupid or the right thing to say.

[00:07:16] Annelise McCarthy: So much conditioning that has made our voice become something that should only be shared if it's worthy enough, if it's good enough, if it's perfect. And. On my website, I have five core values and please excuse my French, but one of the values is fuck tradition. And the reason that's one of the values is because I saw so many strict parameters in the public speaking world.

[00:07:45] Annelise McCarthy: And I saw so many people modeling this skillset as something that Seemed so intimidating and so far away for the day to day human being. And I think what I'm trying to create is just a space where it can be a lot more achievable, a lot more fun, a lot less daunting. And I really love the energy that I bring to the work that I do, because it's fueled by a really deep seated passion, but also a deep seated knowing anybody, And I truly believe that anybody can become a confident speaker if you're willing to put in the work to make it happen.

[00:08:23] Annelise McCarthy: It's not just for the people who speak on stages because everybody has a voice and everybody deserves to know how to use it well. 

[00:08:31] Dimple Thakrar: Just there's so much that I want to ask you about in all of that. Thank you. The first thing that comes to my mind is the There's this assumption that those that are public speaking woke up one morning and knew exactly how to do that.

[00:08:45] Dimple Thakrar: Yeah. Now, they put the word in it, right? That's the first thing, right? There's this assumption that they were born knowing how to do it, right? Absolutely. So that's the first piece. I've had multiple coaches. to support my public speaking and to support my confidence in my speaking, including you being one of them in that moment of time.

[00:09:05] Dimple Thakrar: And so that's the first thing. Other thing I wanted to ask was what would you say that would help the audience? Are the, if you could give five common habits, that I've received as a lack of confidence, even though it's subconscious, 

[00:09:25] Annelise McCarthy: ooh, what a zesty question. Okay. Let me think. So I think the first really common one I see is when you go to contribute or you go to say something and then you second guess it and you don't say it.

[00:09:39] Annelise McCarthy: So for example, if you're in a zoom meeting with your colleagues and you want to turn yourself off mute to say something or put the raise hand function on to contribute, but then you think, Oh no, that's stupid. I shouldn't do that. Or Oh no, but that's silly. Oh no, but that's the wrong thing to say.

[00:09:51] Annelise McCarthy: That then sets the evidence and the precedent for yourself of, yeah, you're right. That is stupid. Yeah, you're right. That is the wrong thing to say. Why would you even think of raising your hand in the first place? So that is one of I think the most common habits I see which is subconscious and people don't realize they do it.

[00:10:07] Annelise McCarthy: I think the second thing is And 

[00:10:08] Dimple Thakrar: then your energetic, sorry, just one sec, I want to just explain. Then your energetic frequency is that of I'm stupid. 

[00:10:14] Annelise McCarthy: Yes. 

[00:10:15] Dimple Thakrar: Yes. So people feel energy as you've spoke about. People feel energy first. 

[00:10:20] Annelise McCarthy: Absolutely. Absolutely. That's 

[00:10:22] Dimple Thakrar: small already because a lot of your work is about creating the right frequency within.

[00:10:27] Dimple Thakrar: I remember doing some mirror work that you suggested, writing things on a mirror. My cleaner in Spain hated it. He was writing all over the right mirror, but that was the reason because you're creating the energetic frequency in the body first. 

[00:10:43] Annelise McCarthy: Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. It's, I'm such a big believer in, if you want to become a confident speaker, but everything in you is telling you, you'll never be one.

[00:10:50] Annelise McCarthy: You'll never be one. Like truly, whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right, darling. And so if you don't think you can, then you're wrong. All right. You won't like, I think this is where I might be perceived as a bit like stubborn as a coach is I don't try and convince people of their own bullshit.

[00:11:07] Annelise McCarthy: If someone comes to me like, Oh no, but I really just can't do that. I'm like, all right I don't know what you want me to do about that. If you've convinced yourself that you can't do it, then clearly you can't. And then that's when people really switch. Cause they're like wait, but I thought you could fix this for me.

[00:11:22] Annelise McCarthy: I'm like no, darling, you've created that habit. And you've created that narrative. It starts with you. My job as a coach is not to open up your insides and reprogram the wires. You do the reprogramming. I am your guide. I am your leader. I am your support. I'm there to crutch you and hold you, but I don't control the wires.

[00:11:42] Annelise McCarthy: That's all on you. And so I think a lot of people with public speaking in particular and with communication habits, they're looking for a quick fix and they're looking for an instant something that can change them overnight. But we're talking about 10, 15, 20 years of habit. Sometimes even more takes a lot longer than overnight to fix.

[00:12:05] Annelise McCarthy: So slight rant on that one, but it's a very important point because I feel like a lot of people really mess those ones up. Anyway, coming back to you. So that's the first one. Second habit, I would say, do you mind if I kind of spit fire these and see what comes to mind? Great. So second one that comes to mind for me, I think is projection.

[00:12:23] Annelise McCarthy: And I see a lot of people who simply would be able to convey confidence a lot easier and a lot more convincingly if they projected their voice forward. And there are so many people who are so intelligent, they have so much to say, but they don't actually use the strength in their diaphragm, the strength of their breath to support their voice.

[00:12:44] Annelise McCarthy: And so their voice comes out very soft. And so it doesn't sound as empowering or as commanding when they speak. And they could still be sounding completely eloquent and be saying something that makes perfect sense. But it doesn't have the strength behind it. And I think that projection is one of those really simple tricks that people can start using every single day that tells people in the room, Oh, hi, I'm unafraid to be heard.

[00:13:12] Annelise McCarthy: Hi, I'm unafraid to use my voice. I don't mind if you hear me. Whereas a lot of people who don't project their voice subconsciously, they don't want to be seen. And they don't want to be heard. So of course, they're not going to try to be louder. So I'd say that's the second one I see. The third subconscious habit is actually how people interact with strangers.

[00:13:33] Annelise McCarthy: And it's, this might sound a bit controversial. I know that we're taught stranger danger, and that's obviously very applicable and very relevant in many circumstances. However, let's take the example day to day of, you're in your office or you're in a cafe or whatnot. I'm a big believer that magnetism, and I'd be interested.

[00:13:53] Annelise McCarthy: Dimple. Magnetism comes from within, right? And magnetism is this real energy and this knowing that you are a light in every room. And it doesn't mean being the loudest. It just means having a certainty of self and being able to share that with others. And I've noticed that a lot of people who struggle communicating confidently have built the habit every day of being silent in their day to day lives, not initiating conversation, not offering somebody a compliment, not saying good morning to a stranger as they walk in.

[00:14:22] Annelise McCarthy: And there are really simple, small interactions that we can make day to day. We are avoiding out of fear of judgment. Or we're avoiding because, oh it's not the normal thing to do. And I guess my rebuttal to that is, are you here to be the the average. And are you here to be the quote unquote normal and the regular, or are you here to be memorable?

[00:14:47] Annelise McCarthy: Are you here to be captivating? Are you here to make people think and feel differently? I know, and I'll toot my own horn for a second, cause it's one of my favorite things I receive. One of my favorite compliments that I get far too often after every workshop, after every speech, whatever it might be, is I come, I have people who come to me and they say, Annalise, I love your energy.

[00:15:10] Annelise McCarthy: And I'm like, And I'm like, let's go. And that is from, that is for me, not putting myself in a box and being like, Hey, stay there and do what people expect of you. That's me building the confidence to break out of that box and be authentically myself, which is a whole nother topic altogether, I recognize.

[00:15:29] Annelise McCarthy: But that's number three is note your day to day interactions. Are you making conversation with people? Are you offering the, an initiating? conversations with people because so often we wait for the offer and we wait for the initiation, but we don't start. So I often say, I make a bit of a joke about it when I do workshops, make the first move.

[00:15:50] Annelise McCarthy: Like I know that we live in a terrible dating world and that dating right now is one of the hardest things people can do, but truly every day, if you leave your house with the attitude of I'm going to make the first move, I'm going to be the first person to say good morning. I'm going to be the first person to compliment.

[00:16:06] Annelise McCarthy: I'm going to be the first person to ask about their weekend. That is a game changer. So that's number three. Number four, I would say is actually, I'm going to say that one of the biggest subconscious habits people don't recognize is their body language. And your body language is up to 55 percent of how we communicate is what our body and our non verbals do.

[00:16:30] Annelise McCarthy: The words that we say is only 7 percent of communication dimple, which is ironic because it's what everybody focuses on. I know it's mind blowing, isn't it? It really is. I get excited. Yes. As a public speaking nerd, I get excited by reactions like this. Cause I'm like exactly 55%. That's mind blowing. And when people don't have that reaction, I'm like, bruh, do you not understand how life changing that is?

[00:16:59] Annelise McCarthy: Yes. 

[00:17:00] Dimple Thakrar: It's so important in every aspect, every interaction. It's and it's also, I want to add, it's also how as humans, we subconsciously get information from other humans. So it's not only how you are presenting yourself, but also how you're receiving information, right? Whether somebody is safe to approach or not will be determined by their energy and their body language.

[00:17:33] Annelise McCarthy: Absolutely. No, you're 100 percent right, Dimple. And we already make assumptions and judgments of people before they even open their mouths to speak. And that's, that is the power of your nonverbals. That is the power of your body language. So to my point with number four, are you making eye contact?

[00:17:51] Annelise McCarthy: What's your posture doing? Are you smiling in conversation? Are you engaging your facial expression? Are you using your hands? There are such simple things that you can do with your body language to convey more confidence and more ease in your presence. And to anybody listening, who's maybe thinking, I have no freaking clue what my body language is doing.

[00:18:10] Annelise McCarthy: How the hell am I supposed to, I can't look at my body when I'm talking. How the hell do I know what's going? Two things I'd suggest. Number one, start video recording yourself and watching it back on mute. And when you watch yourself, when you speak, you will start to observe. All of the subconscious habits that you didn't realize you were doing.

[00:18:28] Annelise McCarthy: The second way is very simply, and I know that you're very familiar with this, but he's using a mirror and you speak in front of a mirror and you look into that mirror while you talk and you notice what your hands are doing. And Oh my gosh, why am I eyebrows not moving when I talk? What the hell?

[00:18:42] Annelise McCarthy: Okay. Move eyebrows, move, right? So you start to notice all of these things about your body and about your facial expression that you didn't previously notice. So that's number four. Now, number five. Is actually one that I think is important to mention because I know we're going to cover so much today. So I am going to mention this one because I think it is important when people think about public speaking or speaking in general or communication as a skill, we automatically think about the speaking and the voice and the talking, but I think a very underrated subconscious habit that we build every day is we are always waiting to speak as opposed to actively listening. And I know when I was in my early twenties and I had an ego that went through the roof and I just wanted to be very important and perceived as very intelligent and important.

[00:19:34] Annelise McCarthy: And I believed that I had to be serious to be taken seriously. And I had to have all my credentials and everything out. I was always the first to talk because I needed to prove myself to people and I needed to prove that I was worthy of people's time. So I was like, please goddamn listen to me because I have something important to say.

[00:19:53] Annelise McCarthy: And I'm terrified that if you don't listen to me, you're going to dismiss me. So I didn't realize that my urgency to speak actually came from a place of insecurity. Because I believe that the art of actively listening and being able to be present in a conversation and not always be the one that needs to talk or needs to speak, I think that is an incredibly powerful subconscious habit that we can start to build and focus on as well.

[00:20:23] Annelise McCarthy: So from the top of my head, those are the five. Did any of those resonate with you? 

[00:20:28] Dimple Thakrar: Just firstly, I want to thank you for gifting the audience gold. Gold, right? Because ladies and gentlemen, if you don't believe this is gold, you are in the wrong place. Because what you just did, if everybody just took a little nugget of each of those five, their lives would be transformed.

[00:20:53] Dimple Thakrar: Yes. Literally transformed the amount of opportunities I have had. I even have a term now for my coffee shop clients, right? They're called my coffee shop clients, CSCs, because I literally get clients in coffee shops. 

[00:21:16] Annelise McCarthy: Last week, 

[00:21:17] Dimple Thakrar: last Friday, I was sat in a coffee shop because I initiated a conversation.

[00:21:22] Dimple Thakrar: I am talking multiple figures.

[00:21:26] Annelise McCarthy: My 

[00:21:26] Dimple Thakrar: intention is never to, the former CEO of Thomas Cook, Was my client. Cause I initiated a conversation in a coffee shop. Wow. Was it my intention? I had to be my client. No, I was just coming from a place of absolute loving concern for somebody. Just wanting to say, I see you.

[00:21:51] Dimple Thakrar: I can just, I see you, right? And it all, and I did this experiment once. I was in London because London is a funny place where nobody does eye contact. You've recently been there, right? So you've witnessed this, right? 

[00:22:07] Annelise McCarthy: I actually have a funny story about this, but yes, continue. 

[00:22:11] Dimple Thakrar: It's a really funny place.

[00:22:13] Dimple Thakrar: So both my sisters live in, or did live in London and I'd visit a lot for work and they would be like, please don't. Do any eye contact on the tube. You'll think you're weird. I'm like, I'm with my, with the time as well. I still do it now, but at the time my children were younger. So we had a picnic. So we were like, we had a picnic and we had grapes and everything, but on the tube.

[00:22:36] Dimple Thakrar: My youngest daughter, she was 10 at the time. She's pole dancing on the poles. I'm offering grapes to everyone. 

[00:22:46] Annelise McCarthy: Love. Love. 

[00:22:48] Dimple Thakrar: And so I did this experiment once. I was in London by myself this time. That, the family thing was a separate thing. I was by myself this time, didn't take, pay any attention to my sisters.

[00:22:58] Dimple Thakrar: I'm walking around and I decided intentionally that day I was going to smile at everybody that I saw. I just wanted to gift everybody a smile. I didn't care what they thought of me. I didn't care if they thought I was a weirdo. I wanted to gift everybody a smile. And I just wanted to see what happened in London, because I wanted to basically say that people in London can be friendly.

[00:23:21] Dimple Thakrar: Like you spend 20, you spend an hour, two hours on commutes. It could be so much more of a beautiful opportunity and connection, right? I did this experiment. You will not believe what happened in London. It was crazy. People, I would smile and people would come up and say, you've just made my day with that smile.

[00:23:44] Dimple Thakrar: I was on the tube with suitcases. Not one person would let me hold them suitcases up and down stairs. They were helping me. There was so much opportunity to receive. So much opportunity. Now, some people would say that is a putting yourself in danger a bit, but it's not if you're a master at understanding body language.

[00:24:09] Dimple Thakrar: You can detect who is safe and who is not, right? There is. And if you are a master at understanding your intuition, right? And so I'm not suggesting you allow everybody to take your suitcases. What I'm saying is sure. A smile. It's as simple as a smile. My sisters often say to me, I don't know how you do it, Dimple, but you get so much stuff offered to you, free.

[00:24:37] Dimple Thakrar: And I said, that's because I'm genuinely interested in people. I want to connect with people when I'm out. Because I find people fascinating. So tell me your 

[00:24:49] Annelise McCarthy: experience. Oh, I love this. Ana, I was just thinking with you talking, the gift of curiosity and what a, what a beautiful intuitive gift that is that you have.

[00:24:59] Annelise McCarthy: And I think that attracts people and it magnetizes people because when you have genuine care or genuine interest in people are attracted to you. People want to feel something. It's rule 101 with any kind of speaking. It's not about you. It's about your audience and how do you make them feel?

[00:25:13] Annelise McCarthy: And it's the same with strangers. How do you make other people feel? Before I tell you the story of when I was in London, when you were talking, you mentioned, you offer a smile to everybody. One of the things that I really love to do, and I noticed since I've started practicing it, how my mood has shifted during the day.

[00:25:29] Annelise McCarthy: I feel far more grateful, but also I attract a lot of beautiful connections. And that is every person I meet or every person I walk past. I always think internally, I love you. And I always have an internal thought of I'm sending you so much love. I'm sending you so much light. I have so much love and space for you.

[00:25:48] Annelise McCarthy: And I've just noticed how that's really changed my energy. And I think it's also allowed me to be perceived as a lot more open and receptive to connection. Because even in the past few weeks, Dimplers, I've been practicing this. I've met some phenomenal people just out on the street. Even the other night, I got dinner with a woman that I, that worked in a jewelry shop that I went into.

[00:26:09] Annelise McCarthy: And because we had such a great chat, I was like, I'll take you out to dinner. Like not as a date, but just I want to be your friend. Can we go get dinner together? And she was like, yeah, I'm like, Oh my God. It is possible. And it's beautiful. That kind of connection that, that awaits. But so my story of London is so anybody who follows me on social media or a kind of, knows of my brand or of me as a person, I'd like to think that most people who know me well would describe me as a very and outgoing and lively and comical gal.

[00:26:39] Annelise McCarthy: And I'm not afraid of making a bit of a goose of myself. And one of the things I love to do is a daily boogie. And so I, I chuck on a song and I yeah, literally. And I'm, and basically I was walking across the tower bridge cause I was staying at the hotel near the tower bridge and it was maybe like eight, 39 o'clock in the evening and the sun was just setting, which, you know.

[00:27:00] Annelise McCarthy: Europe in summer is just phenomenal. And London in summer is phenomenal. Like UK is beautiful, but in summer and it's all orange in the sky. And it was just so beautiful. And I was, I stopped at the tower bridge and I put on the song. There she goes, there she goes. I put that song on and I just truly, I looked out towards the water.

[00:27:22] Annelise McCarthy: And look, I may have looked like a bit of a goose, but I just moved and it just felt so good. And I was just having a little bit of a jive. And it was the funniest thing because I got a tap on my shoulder. Not, maybe 40 or 50 seconds later. And I turned around and it was this woman. I took my earphone out and I was like, are you all right, honey?

[00:27:39] Annelise McCarthy: You're all good. And she was like, you've just made my entire night. Are you here by yourself? And I was like, Oh yeah, I'm just having a bit of a dance. Like it's a beautiful sunset, got a good song on, just wanted to soak it up. And she was like, that is so beautiful. And she's we never see people do that.

[00:27:57] Annelise McCarthy: And what did she say? The word that she used, she said something like, Oh, that's right. She was like, this is joy. She's this is what pure joy is. And she was a bit of an older woman and she was like, don't let that go. And I was like, that's really special. That's really beautiful. So that was my experience.

[00:28:13] Annelise McCarthy: And it, I think it was really lovely because I'd also, I smile at strangers all the time and I walk past people and say good morning or hello. And I did notice in London, not a lot of my hellos or good mornings were reciprocated. A lot of people were very heads down and focused on their phone. So I think that was really beautiful to have that interaction.

[00:28:31] Annelise McCarthy: And I think it was almost, I think in my mind, it's at the time I perceived it as, and believe in what you will. But for me, I align a lot with the idea of the universe. And I was like, I think this is her giving me that little nudge of, darling, just because you're not getting the validation or the connection that you need from these people, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

[00:28:50] Annelise McCarthy: And so it was this little conversation piece, this little offering, this little gift that I took as this little reminder of, Joy spreads joy and it's magnetizing and it's so attracting and it was, it truly was such a beautiful, special experience, such a gorgeous memory to have. 

[00:29:06] Dimple Thakrar: I just love that and what I want to add to that is that you probably gave her permission to release her joy.

[00:29:11] Dimple Thakrar: Because that's what she was attracted to, right? Oh, that's so true. You probably gave her permission in the acceptance of you doing it and her acknowledgement of you doing it gave her permission to do it. 

[00:29:29] Annelise McCarthy: Do you know what? I think this is so important as a topic as well with women, because I think women give each other permission.

[00:29:38] Annelise McCarthy: And I have seen so many times poignantly since starting my business where I've even met other business women, other women in my industry, I've met women at events and I see the way that they show up and it allows me to show up in the way that I want to as well. And I think that. This is one of the points I always stress.

[00:29:58] Annelise McCarthy: If you can't find the courage or confidence for yourself, think about the other woman or the other person you could be offering it to. And it's that permission slip that you're giving them when they see you showing up as your authentic self, or, in the sequined dress or in the red lip or in the heels or whatever it is that resonates with you, you being fully in your power and your ownership of who you are.

[00:30:23] Annelise McCarthy: is that permission for somebody else to go and do the same. So I love that point. I think that's such an important, beautiful point to make. 

[00:30:31] Dimple Thakrar: It's and I love what you said about having this practice of pouring love and light into others. Because I want to, there's a practice that I've started practicing and that is, and I did it the other day on my walk and I was walking it's almost a country lane, but not quite.

[00:30:49] Dimple Thakrar: And it leads to. a reservoir. So if you can imagine it's tree lined, a road on one side and one pavement, and I'm walking up and I'm practicing self love. So how you reflect it on others. I was actually going inwards and I was just, I was literally, talking to my body. So what I was doing was, I was going, I just love you.

[00:31:16] Dimple Thakrar: I love that you work for me every day. I love every single curve of you because at the moment I'm the heaviest I've ever been. And so I'm really practicing loving this side of you. Process. This period in time, right? Because going through the menopause, things have shifted and I'm practicing owning the beautifulness of it, right?

[00:31:44] Dimple Thakrar: So I was going inwards, practicing loving me, profoundly loving me and I'm smiling and I didn't know where I I was just in the moment, in the tree lined Like with a canopy of trees above me and the sun was shining and I was walking up this hill and I had my Leggings and a little crop top and a t shirt on and as I was walking up the hill it took me about three minutes To build the courage up to take my t shirt off because I was hot Because the gift of the menopause is these beautiful hot flushes, right?

[00:32:20] Dimple Thakrar: I was walking thinking I can't take my top off because I've got really big boobs and I can't I can't take my time. And then I thought, fuck it. And I just took my top off, wrapped it, and I'm walking up this hill, happy as Larry, boobs and all, like the whole thing, right? You can imagine it, right?

[00:32:43] Dimple Thakrar: Happy as Larry, sun on my face, shades on, cat loving life, loving me, loving this thing. This vessel that has gifted me beautiful children and really helped me get through some hard times in life and supported me, right? And I was saying to her, I'm so sorry that I didn't realize how brilliant you were. I'm so sorry.

[00:33:06] Dimple Thakrar: Can you forgive me? So I was really having this healing moment. I'm walking up and out of the estate comes this white van. Pulls round. And he stops, right? Now, most people, particularly my family, would have said, mum, walk on, you don't stop at white vans, walk on, on a country train. I was going to say, it's not the white van.

[00:33:32] Dimple Thakrar: Walk on. And so anyway, this guy, black guy in the car, in the van. So I'm keeping my distance. I'm on the pavement, there's a road between us, right? And he says. Can I ask you a favour? And he smiled. And I was, so I'm reading body language, subconsciously. He smiled. So I said, Are you lost? And he went, No. He says, I need to ask you a favour.

[00:34:02] Dimple Thakrar: He said, The next time you see your husband, can you grab him by the collar? Like this and remind him he's the luckiest man on the planet. Oh my gosh. Oh How beautiful? Pardon, it took me a moment to process and he went when you see him Grab him by the collar and tell him he's the luckiest man on the planet.

[00:34:30] Dimple Thakrar: And I said Then it twinked and I said, Oh gosh. And I put my hand on my heart and I said, thank you. You've made my day. And he turned around and he said, I am serious. You've made my day. He said, you're the most beautiful woman I've seen. Oh my goodness. No makeup, no nothing. Boobs out not boobs out, but a little crop top on, just loving life.

[00:34:56] Dimple Thakrar: And so I wanted to share that story because. Just as you can give love outwards, what if you could give it inwards and see what happens? Oh, it's 

[00:35:08] Annelise McCarthy: so true. It's so true. And first and foremost, that's an incredible gift that stranger gave you. And I think it goes to show kindness is free and it often makes people's day, right?

[00:35:18] Annelise McCarthy: So why don't we do it more? But also could not think of a woman more deserving. So it also makes perfect sense because your energy is just beautiful. So of course, he would have given that compliment, it makes perfect sense. While you were speaking and sharing your story, Dimple, it's interesting because I had something come up that I want to address and I was like, Oh, I should speak on this.

[00:35:38] Annelise McCarthy: If I were listening to this podcast episode four or five years ago, and I heard you share that and say how, You were giving love to your body and you were telling yourself how much you love yourself and you took the jumper off and you'll walk. I would have been so uncomfortable as a listener and it would have made me so uncomfortable to hear because I was somebody who really struggled loving myself and really struggled accepting myself.

[00:36:05] Annelise McCarthy: And I was always very triggered. By listening to conversations where women talked about openly loving their bodies, it seemed very dancing around the fire in the moonlight kind of vibes, like witchcraft, of this is just not normal. White women openly loving themselves? Absolutely not. Can't do that.

[00:36:26] Annelise McCarthy: And I just felt very called to share that I remember a quote that I genuinely believe to this day has been one of the biggest catalysts for me with my healing and self love journey. And the quote is, If being cruel to yourself worked, it would have worked by now. And I remember when I found that quote, I remember I saved it as my screensaver on my phone.

[00:36:52] Annelise McCarthy: I wrote it on my mirror. I had all these reminders of Annalise, if this shit, if this BS in your head was working. And was doing you favors and was a positive influence in your life. Surely you would be happy. Surely you would be thriving. Surely you'd be feeling good, but I didn't. And so for me, it was this massive catalyst of change of identifying what my thoughts were and what my beliefs were.

[00:37:21] Annelise McCarthy: And obviously, the self journey and the healing. And as you're very well aware, all that started. But I think for me, it was such a beautiful reminder that, self talk, it is so important. And I talk about this all the time and it's interesting, like you, you've seen my stories and videos that I make about MiraTalk.

[00:37:40] Annelise McCarthy: And MiraTalk is something that I discovered during lockdown, which I'm an incredibly and privileged person to have never experienced depression. It's never something I've had. However, I know people in my life who have. And so I can't say I was depressed, but I was, it was one of the lowest points of my life was during COVID because my career was stripped from me.

[00:38:04] Annelise McCarthy: My parents went through a traumatic divorce. I had nowhere to live. It was just a really shit time. Everything was in the boiling pot. 

[00:38:13] Dimple Thakrar: A lot of things at 

[00:38:16] Annelise McCarthy: once, all in the pressure cooker. And on top of that, there was this incessant voice of you're not good enough. You're not beautiful. You're not lovable.

[00:38:26] Annelise McCarthy: All of that stuff. And all that stuff feels so heavy and it feels really icky. And now to be in a position, because I remember the first day, this was the point I was making when I discovered MirrorTalk was I was at such a low and I remember crouching down onto my floor and I had one of those kind of ceiling to floor mirrors in this room I was staying in.

[00:38:50] Annelise McCarthy: And it sounds I don't want to say pathetic, but it is the word that comes to mind for me, but I was literally like crawling towards the mirror and I was just crying and crying. It makes me really emotional to recall it because it was such a hard moment for me.

[00:39:01] Annelise McCarthy: But I just remember coming to in front of the mirror and I was so sad and so lost and just felt so awful. And I remember I looked up into the mirror and it was, It felt like the first time I ever saw Annalise and it felt like I was seeing me as opposed to the exactly right, as opposed to the reflection I'd be accustomed to criticizing or the woman who wasn't good enough or the woman who wasn't pretty enough or whatever fucking labels I put on myself.

[00:39:34] Annelise McCarthy: I saw how crumbled and how broken and how sad I was with the way I was treating myself. And I think that truly was the day where I drew a line in the sand and I was like, nah. No more, like we're not doing this. And so from that day, speaking to myself in the mirror, making eye contact with myself, that became such a healing tool for me.

[00:39:58] Annelise McCarthy: And one of my favorite things I now say to myself in the mirror every day is I say, Annalise, if I had the choice. Of anybody or any heart or any mind in this lifetime, in every lifetime, I would choose you over and over again. And I think, and once again, it makes you emotional because I think it's hard to imagine that you ever get to a point where you truly do love yourself and you truly do accept yourself.

[00:40:24] Annelise McCarthy: But I wanted to speak to this because I know that I listened to things like this and episodes like this when I was in a really dark place, and it never felt like it was a possibility. And I always want to share that it is completely possible. And it is completely possible for you to not only love who you are, but for that love to feel so easy.

[00:40:47] Annelise McCarthy: And effortless and rewarding and fulfilling as opposed to something that's used as a tool or a weapon or a reward. It's just there. You don't have to do anything to earn it. It just exists. And so when you shared your story Exactly right. It is your birthright. It is your birthright. So beautifully articulated.

[00:41:08] Annelise McCarthy: And so when you shared your story, and I hope people do watch the video with this, It's just Seeing your whole face light up and just sitting in that feeling of love. It just cast me back to 19, 20 year old Annalise and how much she would have given anything to have that kind of feeling or emotion or love when speaking about herself.

[00:41:30] Annelise McCarthy: And I think I just want to remind anybody who's watching anybody who's listening that it is so unbelievably possible. It's not easy. I wish it was. 

[00:41:40] Dimple Thakrar: I really do. I really do. That's really valid. Yeah. 

[00:41:45] Annelise McCarthy: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But nothing worth having or whatever the saying is comes easy. But I'm also so grateful for the struggle.

[00:41:53] Annelise McCarthy: I'm so grateful for the learnings and so grateful for the growth because I feel like that journey and a journey I'm still on. Do not interpret. This is the end. As you will well know, we keep on going. I am humbled more and more every single day and there's new pages of the book that are turned and I'm like shit, where'd that come from?

[00:42:15] Annelise McCarthy: All right, let's work through that now too. So there's always things coming up, but I think it's now really beautiful to be in a position where I feel like it's a partnership. with myself as opposed to seeing myself as an enemy or somebody who's always sitting on the other side of the table judging or criticizing or whatever it might be.

[00:42:32] Annelise McCarthy: So yeah, I just felt very called to share that because I feel like it's so important to say. 

[00:42:37] Dimple Thakrar: 100 percent and I love that you did because it makes it so relatable because some of the things that you had, you absolutely nailed it. I really want to extract and deepen is this piece that nobody has their shit together all the time.

[00:42:54] Dimple Thakrar: Nobody. I don't care what anybody says because in life there's always initiations. Me doing that practice at 51 years old means that I've still not figured out the self love in my body but I'm willing to give anything a go every day. I've still not 100 percent figured it was so hard for me. It took me a while to build the courage up to actually get to that point where I was smiling and bright.

[00:43:21] Dimple Thakrar: Yeah. Yeah. You absolutely calling to the mirror. It's the exact demonstration, physical demonstration of the energetic and emotional effort it requires to do this work. It's easier to continue to be that person criticizing yourself. And I know that sounds but it is easier. To be self critical.

[00:43:48] Dimple Thakrar: Yeah. And I love the way that you extracted, every day, this is the work. Nobody is complete because if you were complete, life would be fucking boring. I need to be myself. Absolutely. There'd be no growth. 

[00:44:06] Annelise McCarthy: No, you're so right. You're so right. And this really reminds me. So when I work with clients or, it's one on one or I'm doing a workshop or whatnot, I have three rules.

[00:44:15] Annelise McCarthy: That I say, if you don't have these three things, if you don't practice these three things on your journey to confident speaking or being a public speaker, whatever it might be, you won't succeed. But I also say that I actually think these are just three core rules for fucking life. And they're just three rules that can be relevant to anything you do and anything you apply.

[00:44:36] Annelise McCarthy: And those three things are compassion. And I will just note, if you're listening to this and you do not know. The depth of the word compassion and what that means. There is a remarkable woman, an expert. Her name is Kristen Neff, N E F F. Please look her up. Please read her books. She's phenomenal. And she is so well known for her work in the area of compassion.

[00:44:58] Annelise McCarthy: So compassion, because education is really important with this stuff to understand it in order to practice it, we have to understand it. So compassion is the first one. Consistency is the second one. And what I mean by consistency is you are showing up for yourself. You are building the habit day by day.

[00:45:16] Annelise McCarthy: I'm not looking for big leaps. I'm not looking for really scary jumps. I'm talking about the really small things. It's James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits, who says it is better. To be good consistently, then great occasionally. And I truly believe that is one of the best ways it's ever been articulated because it's so true.

[00:45:37] Annelise McCarthy: So compassion, consistency, and the third and final core ingredient is patience, because I feel like on our journey to growth, To learning, to self understanding, relationships, learning a new skill, whatever it might be. We expect results really quickly. We expect change really quickly. And in such a fast paced, instant gratification world, it takes a lot of discipline.

[00:46:11] Annelise McCarthy: To be patient with yourself and to be understanding that change takes time and growth takes time. And it is through doing the work over time that you will be rewarded the most righteously. So those are my three big rules and I wanted to share them because I feel they are so relevant to the conversation piece that we're speaking on, but also I hope that anybody listening.

[00:46:36] Annelise McCarthy: Finds them a really helpful reminder when they do get frustrated. They're like, Oh, okay. Practicing compassion, practicing patience. This is part of my consistency. It's I'm allowed to show up and it sucks. That's another piece. You're allowed to suck. You're allowed to be shit. That's part of it, right?

[00:46:53] Annelise McCarthy: So those for me have been so helpful. 

[00:46:58] Dimple Thakrar: My greatest. Lessons I've been in when I've got it wrong. My greatest lessons, right? Wrong. Yeah, absolutely. Those were incredible. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Compassion. And what I want to emphasize is when we say compassion, it means not just to others, but actually to yourself.

[00:47:21] Dimple Thakrar: Yes. Oh, 

[00:47:22] Annelise McCarthy: absolutely. Self compassion. Always. 

[00:47:24] Dimple Thakrar: Because sometimes people assume compassion is to others, but actually it is but first to yourself. Compassion, consistency and patience. Wow. I could we need to do another one because there's so much more I want to say. There really is. 

[00:47:40] Annelise McCarthy: This could be like a five part series.

[00:47:42] Annelise McCarthy: I'm not kidding you. There is so much to unpack. 

[00:47:45] Dimple Thakrar: There's so much. I feel like we've just skimmed the surface. And we've scrum deep scratched the top and, yeah, exactly. Exactly. There's so much more. I would love to invite you back and us go deeper into some of these elements. 'cause I think it's so profound, the lessons that you've gifted today, the conversation, the alignment in truth.

[00:48:09] Dimple Thakrar: Just thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Annalise, you've been amazing. Where can people find you? Where is the best place? 

[00:48:18] Annelise McCarthy: Thank you. Thank you firstly for providing a space where I could feel so comfortable to be safe and be open. That's always first and foremost. So this is not the average conversation podcasts.

[00:48:29] Annelise McCarthy: So that's All you Dimple with providing that space. So thank you so much for having me. Anybody who wants to be a part of my world, I'm always so grateful to invite anybody and everybody to the work that I do, not only because I love it so much, but because I genuinely believe it is life changing. So if you're interested in changing your life for the better, you can find me at her speaking coach.

[00:48:53] Annelise McCarthy: I post on LinkedIn every single day. If you like little sexy tips every day, I have some, if I might say so myself, pretty outrageous videos on Instagram and TikTok. If you like having a little scroll that can be educational and entertaining, you're so welcome. You can find all my services. at www.

[00:49:13] Annelise McCarthy: herspeakingcoach. com and by the time I believe this will be launched, you can also purchase my very first online course, Speak with Confidence, which I've created to be the absolute foundational program for anybody wanting to not only speak more confidently at work and professionally, but also in their day to day life.

[00:49:36] Dimple Thakrar: Oh, congratulations. I'm very 

[00:49:39] Annelise McCarthy: excited. Honestly, this has been a year in the making and it's just so wonderful to have a passion project come to life. So once again, Dimple, thank you for having me and for such a beautiful space. And I look forward to coming back. 

[00:49:52] Dimple Thakrar: Look forward to having you back, honestly, and all that information viewers will be in the show notes.

[00:49:58] Dimple Thakrar: So don't worry if you didn't grab it. Now it will be in the show notes. Okay. As we wrap up, I always ask, one final question. Oh my gosh. And I would love to ask you that Annalise now, which is, if you could gift one piece of advice that goes beyond the words, what would that be? 

[00:50:21] Annelise McCarthy: Oh my goodness, what a question.

[00:50:24] Annelise McCarthy: That's such a beautiful question. Thank 

[00:50:28] Dimple Thakrar: you. 

[00:50:29] Annelise McCarthy: If I could gift one piece of advice that goes beyond the words,

[00:50:34] Annelise McCarthy: I think the biggest thing that comes forward for me is that being you truly is your greatest superpower. And until you tap into that, It's quite a foreign or hard or naff concept to really understand, but I think the deeper you fall into yourself and the deeper you commit to who you are and what you love and all your crazy unique quirks and nuances, all the beautiful zesty things that make you, you, you will not only fall more in love with yourself because you are showing up as you and you can't resent yourself if you're being yourself, but you will also attract the people who love you for you.

[00:51:28] Annelise McCarthy: And those are the people that you want in your life to support you through all your highs and all your lows. And those are the people who will always make you feel the most seen. and the most loved because they love you for who you are. So commit to yourself, to showing up as you, because that is your greatest superpower.

[00:51:51] Dimple Thakrar: Just got whole truth bumps all over my body. Did you say truth bumps? 

[00:51:58] Annelise McCarthy: Oh, I love that so much. That's beautiful. 

[00:52:02] Dimple Thakrar: Whenever I hear truth, I get, they're not goosebumps, they're truth bumps. 

[00:52:07] Annelise McCarthy: Oh, that's so beautiful. What a beautiful question. Oh my goodness. And I think if I may just indulge me for a second, the reason I love how you've articulated it is because beyond the words implies so much more than simply the articulation and the comprehension of a concept.

[00:52:24] Annelise McCarthy: It implies the feeling. It implies the depth and it implies the connection. And I think that's why I really took a second to think about what mine would be. And I really wish that more people would create a space and time in their days to have more conversations that go beyond the words, because I think as 

[00:52:44] Dimple Thakrar: a world, we would be a better society for it.

[00:52:47] Dimple Thakrar: The depth of your answer. The consideration of your answer has been greatly acknowledged and valued today because you've appreciated the concept of Beyond the Words and articulated it in a way that is truth and profound. So for the work you do. Thank you for the work you have done on yourself for you first and then the gift.

[00:53:19] Dimple Thakrar: to others. Thank you for going beyond the words every day. God bless you. So thank you, my beautiful viewers and audience. Today has been the most incredible conversation. I feel blessed that you have spent this time with us today. I feel privileged that you choose to be in this authentic space as we all learn and grow one step at a time together.

[00:53:50] Dimple Thakrar: Take care. God bless. Until next time.