064 Breaking the Myth: Why ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’ is Harmful to Relationships

Welcome back to Beyond the Words! I’m your host, Dimple Thakrar, and today we’re diving deep into a conversation that’s been both a revelation and a game changer for me. Inspired by the gentlemen of the world, this episode is for men, but also for the women who stand beside them. What we’re exploring today is powerful, simple, yet complex. It’s about breaking free from the common misconception that a happy wife means a happy life. Trust me, you’ll want to stick around for this one—it might just change everything you thought you knew about relationships.

Summary:
In this episode, we challenge the age-old notion that a man’s success and happiness hinge on keeping his partner happy. We explore the deeper consequences of this mindset, revealing how it can lead to a loss of authentic masculinity and create unhealthy dynamics in relationships. Through candid insights, we discuss the emotional burden this places on women and how it can contribute to exhaustion, resentment, and even the breakdown of marriages.

Rather than following a path of people-pleasing and codependency, this episode encourages men to reclaim their leadership and authenticity in relationships, and for women to embrace their emotions without feeling responsible for their partner’s well-being. The key is moving towards interdependence—where both partners are whole and complete, with or without each other.

This episode is about redefining the truth of love and relationships, shifting from codependent survival to interdependent thriving. It’s an invitation to liberate yourselves from outdated roles and expectations, and to embrace the freedom of choosing each other daily, or not—without guilt, fear, or pressure.

Key Takeaways:

1. Happy Wife, Happy Life? It’s a myth that can lead to unhealthy, inauthentic relationships.
2. The Burden on Women: Placing the responsibility for a man’s happiness on his partner can create immense pressure, leading to resentment and exhaustion.
3. Reclaiming Masculinity: Men must reconnect with their authentic selves, embracing their leadership and intuition without fear of upsetting their partner.
4. Embracing Discomfort: Growth comes from allowing yourself and your partner to sit in discomfort, rather than rushing to fix or please.
5. Interdependence Over Codependence: Healthy relationships are built on two whole individuals who choose to be together, not out of need, but out of desire.
6. Redefining Success: True success in a relationship isn’t about keeping your partner happy at all costs; it’s about mutual respect, authenticity, and freedom.
7. Love Beyond Expectations: The ultimate form of love allows for both togetherness and separation without losing oneself in the process.

If this episode has resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts, your stories, and your breakthroughs. Please subscribe for more conversations that challenge the norm and inspire growth. It’s been an honour to have you with me today. Take care, and God bless.

Dimple Thakrar Resource Links:

Website: https://dimpleglobal.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dimple.thakrar
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dimplethakrar/

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage
• 3:55 Challenging the Myth: Happy Wife, Happy Life
• 6:38 The Burden on Women
• 9:05 Reclaiming Masculinity and Leadership
• 11:58 The Danger of People-Pleasing
• 14:21 Embracing Discomfort for Growth
• 16:48 Moving Towards Interdependence
• 18:18 Redefining Success in Relationships
• 20:05 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Beyond the Words EP64

Hello and welcome back to Beyond the Words with me, Dimple Thackray, your host today. Oh my word, have I got a podcast for you today. And this one has been inspired by The Gentleman in the World and is for The Gentleman in the World primarily, and For the ladies, because when I realized this quite recently, this insight, it really changed everything.

It was like an up level in my marriage, and for a moment it rocked the boat, and for moments it will continue to rock the boat. And this conversation today is really quite powerful. And yet so simple and so complex all at once. And when I say it and when I go deeper into it, you'll understand that it makes sense, but yet you've never made sense of it until now.

Or you may well have been and hearing this just now. provides you with a level of comfort that, that you've needed to hear. So what I'd love you to do is trust that in this transmission, this message right now, you are getting to hear exactly what you need to hear. And I'm going to say a few things that will probably trigger you.

Sit with the trigger. You're not going to agree with everything and that's okay. This conversation is here to allow you to contemplate what feels good and aligned for you. Alright? And I'm going to start with this concept of happy wife, happy life. And I'm going to say it's bullshit. And the reason it's bullshit, and I actually agree, happy man, happy life, is because I've talked in the past about the masculine and the feminine.

If you haven't seen that podcast series, go check it out. I can't remember what series, but we'll put it in the show notes or a little piece on there to remind you. It was one of my earlier ones. And so I'm not going to go too deep into the masculine and the feminine and how our brains are wired differently, men and women.

But what I have come to understand and learn in this new age of relationships and men tapping into their feminine more and women rising in their masculine, what I've come to understand is that in the intimate relationship space, this whole concept that if you keep your wife happy and if your focus as a man is on keeping your wife happy and therefore all your decisions are around making sure she's happy and I know this is innate in you.

What can happen is you can end up completely demasculating yourself. Hear this. Let that land. Yes, I actually said you can demasculate yourself and the reason this happens is because if your primary focus is on every decision is made to keep your woman happy There's a few things that happen here, and as I'm speaking it, I'm feeling sick to my stomach.

That just gives you an idea of what it feels like for a woman to have an amount of pressure on her. That your emotional and functional abilities rely on whether she's happy or not. That is huge. Giving her that level of Responsibility for a woman. I'm actually having physical symptoms right now.

I'm feeling sick in my stomach. Like I feel like I'm going to throw my breakfast up. That's the amount of pressure it can feel like for a woman. It's like a big weight on her shoulders. And so what can happen is, even though your intention is It's so honourable. If as a man you get lost in this paradigm of having to, every move you make is to keep her happy, you end up getting lost.

Because you inevitably end up becoming a pleaser, going against your gut instinct, saying yes when you mean no, not living for you, but living for her, and this inadvertently means that you end up in your inauthentic feminine. And your woman ends up in her inauthentic masculine. So it actually becomes a really unhealthy place because in a weird way you have to receive approval, acknowledgement through her happiness in order for you to know which way to go, know which direction to move in.

And so rather than being the leader that I know every single man is, Particularly in their intimate relationship, you end up being led in a unconscious, manipulative way and it's very unconscious. And what can happen is the woman can get so frustrated and so angry and resentful, and she doesn't know why.

And it all stems from this pressure of having to be happy to keep your man. Let that land your woman feels she has to be happy. in order for you to be well.

My primary aim and goal in this conversation is how can we actually talk about the reason why men feel so lost and so depressed and so suicidal and why the rate of suicide is so high and why the rate of divorce, particularly in the menopause period of a woman's life, is so high. And the reason it's so high is because she gets exhausted with depression.

Decades and decades of pressure, of having to be happy so that he's well. It disables the men in the world because it creates a mothering comfort. So it ends up being a mother child relationship. Instead of the man learning to live with the discomfort of saying no to his woman because he's trusting his gut instinct and his leadership to lead her through things that she can't see yet.

This conversation is huge. If you can let this land, I know, for those of you who are ready to hear this, will make the biggest, most profound difference in your marriage, particularly for those of you who have been in marriages for a few decades, or in relationships for a long time, where you're realising that it's, you're just exhausted with the weight Like neck and shoulder pain, like constant.

It's literally the energy of having to make the decisions for him, be told, be, hold his frustration and his resentment and disappointment when you say no, or when he tries to initiate, but that's not what you want. And it becomes this messy, entangled energy of Nobody's speaking their truth. And nobody's speaking their truth for the fear of upsetting the other.

And then it comes to a point where you're exhausted with it all. You're so exhausted with stepping on eggshells. Both parties stepping on eggshells all the time. For fear of one of you exploding. And it becomes this perpetual cycle over and over again of constant fear, constant exhaustion, constant depletion, disappointment, and wondering whether life will ever be where you get to do and be who you want to be truly and authentically.

And you are accepted. And this is where often couples part because They suddenly realize that the person they're with isn't the person they thought they were. And it's a curse and a blessing at the same time. Because if you can see it as a blessing, you get to grow. You get to grow. But it requires you to be in a level of discomfort that you haven't experienced yet.

And for the women, that is Witnessing their men be in the discomfort without needing to fix it for them. Just knowing and trusting your feminine intuition that you will be okay and he will be okay no matter what. And for the men, it's can you expand in the discomfort? Can you see this as an opportunity for you to grow rather than an opportunity for you to blame your woman for you being lost?

You allowing yourself to be demasculated. Not because you intended it. Please hear this. This is not a, uh, a criticism for men. This is a real truth of what's going on, and as I'm speaking this I'm feeling my left brain, which is all the feminine, and my intuition, and my wisdom, really like tight, pulling.

Can you take a breath? Can you take a moment to allow this transmission, these codes, to land? Can you assess whether these feel true for you or not? Because it's in this moment that you get to choose you first. And there's nothing wrong with that. There is actually everything right with it, because in this moment, you get liberated, and so does she.

And in this moment, where you've spent decades of being the other half, 50 50, you get to be whole. Just you. Whole. She gets to choose what she wants. And it's no reflection on you. You get to choose what you want to be and do. And it's no reflection on your success as a man. In fact, it contributes to your success as a man.

You become more attractive. You reclaim the truth of who you are, which is an incredible leader.

And she gets to claim her femininity. In her wisdom. In her strength. And in her softness. She gets to receive fully. Guilt free. With pleasure. without needing to reciprocate anything other than enjoying the gifts of receiving. And you get to give because you want to, not because you're obliged to. You get to give from a place of absolute soul alignment, not because you think that's what she wants.

It's a whole different frequency when you give from a place of absolute alignment, just for giving unconditionally, not for expecting anything back. or competing with any other man or any other situation, but solely to give, solely to love, solely to pleasure in the giving. And what that does is it liberates her because she feels the difference and inadvertently a bonus to her own self sourced happiness.

It's a bonus rather than it being the source of her happiness. Because then, instead of being codependent, you become interdependent. You can live with or without each other. This is the truth of unconditional love. This is the truth of the highest form of love. When you can actually say to somebody, I don't need you to make me happy, and you don't need me to be happy, in order for you to feel successful.

I trust in you, that you are more than capable of being successful, irrespective of whether I am happy, sad, elated, crying. I know you can hold all of that. Because you know it has no reflection on you other than the storm within this beautiful woman that creates the passion through this river of emotions.

Can you honour that in her without making it mean anything about your success?

And can you release the burden that she carries? Ladies, it's not your job to carry his burden. You get to be happy, sad, all emotions, joy, bliss.

Anger, frustration. You don't get to take it out on him, by the way. Your behavior shouldn't be that of aggression towards him, but you get to feel it all without it meaning anything. You don't have to have a reason why. Because that's the divine feminine. We're like a friggin ocean. Sometimes the waters are calm and sometimes the waters are choppy.

And we don't put meaning on any of that other than we experience the beauty and magnificence of every storm, every calm water. And every wave.

So what if today was the day that you set each other free? What if today was the day that you didn't put any meaning on anything and you took each day as it comes and if tomorrow you decide that's not the day you want to be together, you can release with love and it mean nothing other than love.

This fixation I've come to learn, this fixation on saving marriages. Divorce not being necessary. I've really evolved in this concept from when I first started this work and it has been an evolution and I honour everything that I spoke of before and now through this evolution I've realised that this freedom into relationships rather than co dependent is the next elevation of the truth about relationships, of the truth about marriage.

It can be forever and it can't be. This is the paradigm and the paradox of love. You can love and be together or not. You can honour and choose today. And how liberating is that? It takes the pressure off everybody. Because you get to get up every day and choose each other or not.

And all of it is absolutely perfect. And so for some of you, you will be feeling very confused right now. That's you. Thinking mind. Try and make sense of this. You're not going to find the clarity there. Drop in your heart. You're going to find the clarity in the depth of your soul when you see how freeing this is when you can be in love with you and them for them, for you.

Because I'm telling you. You go through this tunnel of complexity and simplicity, and what's on the other side is magnificent because you get to love wholly as you, and get to be loved wholly as you, with no exceptions. Nobody's trying to change you or criticize you. You get to choose change. You get to choose love your way.

And she gets to her way. And you get to decide, both of you, whether that is a match your way.

I want to love you and leave you with this. Please, if you have found this conversation profound, I love to hear your stories, your breakthroughs, how this has changed your It's the reason I do this work. It would be my deepest and greatest honour to hear from you, and how this has changed the way you look at your lives, your marriages.

your relationships, how it's liberated the men, the women, your children. It's a very different conversation that very few are speaking of. It requires courage for you to have this level of conversation. I highly recommend that as couples you sit down and listen to this together.

It's my deepest desire and wish from the bottom of my heart that we create conscious couples or conscious uncoupling.

Where there is no judgment, no right or wrong, just truth and love.

Thank you so much for joining me today. It's been a privilege and honour to serve you. Please do reach out to me, let me know how this has helped you. Please subscribe for more transmissions like this. It's a privilege to have you here today. Take care and God bless.