004 How Tony Robbins Saved My Marriage: A Story of Transformation and Love

Hi, I’m Dimple Thakrar, and I’m so grateful to have you here for another heart-opening episode of Beyond the Words. This season, we’re diving deep into the transformative power of storytelling, and today’s episode is particularly close to my heart. I’ll be sharing the deeply personal story of how Tony Robbins saved my marriage, a journey that’s been featured on various podcasts, including Tony’s own. It’s a story that has not only transformed my relationship but has helped save countless others too. Let’s jump right in!

Episode Summary:

In this episode, I reflect on how Tony Robbins played a pivotal role in saving my marriage of 28 years. After years of arguments, silence, and feeling disconnected from my husband, we were on the verge of divorce. We loved each other but had lost our connection. That’s when a chance encounter with Tony Robbins’ programme changed everything. I share the steps we took, the life-changing lessons we learned about masculine and feminine energy, and how the intervention by Tony Robbins brought us back from the brink of separation to a place of profound love and understanding.

This is a powerful story about rediscovering love, connection, and purpose in a relationship, especially when you think all hope is lost. I hope this story inspires you to look within, reconnect, and reignite the passion in your own life.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding Masculine and Feminine Energies: The imbalance between these energies can lead to disconnection in relationships. Restoring balance is key to reigniting love and intimacy.
• Courage to Lead in Relationships: Sometimes, one partner needs to take the first step in healing for both to grow and evolve together.
• The Power of Vulnerability: Letting go of protective masks and being vulnerable can transform relationships and foster true connection.
• Investing in Personal Growth: Stepping out of your comfort zone and investing in your own development can have profound effects on your relationship.
• Importance of Communication: Knowing how to communicate authentically and compassionately is vital for a lasting, loving partnership.

Thank you for joining me today. Remember, no matter where you are in your relationship, transformation is always possible. Let’s go beyond the words together and create lasting love.

Dimple Thakrar Resource Links:

Website: https://dimpleglobal.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dimple.thakrar
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dimplethakrar/

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Introduction
• 3:23 Setting the Scene: Marriage Struggles
• 6:13 Discovering Tony Robbins
• 9:43 Joining Platinum Partners
• 13:03 Heading for Divorce
• 17:08 The Turning Point in Maui
• 20:43 Tony Robbins’ Intervention
• 24:53 Masculine and Feminine Energies
• 29:23 A New Beginning: Rebuilding Love
• 33:38 Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Transcript

Beyond the Words S2 EP04

[00:00:00] Dimple Thakrar: Hello and welcome back to Beyond the Words. My name is Dimple Thackrout. Thank you so much. Thank you for your time. It's a privilege to have you here with me today. I'm gonna dig deep and dive deep into, oh gosh, this story. How Tony Robbins saved my marriage. of now 28 years to date. And, this story has actually been featured on so many podcasts.

[00:00:35] Dimple Thakrar: This story has saved so many marriages. This story was featured on Tony Robbins podcast. For those of you who don't know who Tony Robbins is, go Google him. He is the Known as the number one motivational mentor, coach, speaker, I would say globally, very much so in the U. S. I want to share this story because the power in the story has supported many of you who are listening or watching that have been in the same situation that I was in.

[00:01:15] Dimple Thakrar: That know that there's love in your marriage, you're just not connecting. There's a lack of Deep communication, connection, intimacy, and the desire for that is still there. Now, I'm talking about marriages that you want, you really, desperately know that you love that person, and they love you, and you're all still in the game.

[00:01:49] Dimple Thakrar: You're just fed up with the day to day hard slog of feeling like you're living like roommates or past the salt kind of conversation or days, hours, weeks of silence and childish games, basically. I'm just going to say it as it is, alright? And the reason I know all this is because that's exactly where I was in my marriage.

[00:02:17] Dimple Thakrar: For, I would say, the first ten years weren't The second 10 years were exactly like that. Stormy arguments, then silence, an odd day of making up and it being great, but actually knowing that the whole loop would continue and the cycle would continue, right? I want to share this story because so many of you ask why am I doing the work I do?

[00:02:46] Dimple Thakrar: Working with power couples, working with relationships, Because of this. Because of this story. Let me take you back. My beautiful man is a serial entrepreneur. What that means is he doesn't have a regular job. Ha! What the hell is a regular job? I remember marrying him and I knew he was, like, even at uni he had three jobs and he was Always focused on what the next project is and you'd get a buzz out of it.

[00:03:25] Dimple Thakrar: And it really was who he is. And we got married and I took a job. I worked in the NHS. I was a clinical dietitian. Loved my job because. When I look back now, every single job I took was a brand new post. I never stepped into anybody else's toes. It's almost like I created my own job, but within the NHS. And the beauty of that is, I got to do it how I want.

[00:03:56] Dimple Thakrar: So when I look back now, actually I was super entrepreneurial and didn't realise it. Because I thought it was in a job. So many of you that I think this is just for entrepreneurs because I'm in a job. Actually, there's a reason you're listening to this and it's possible for you to be entrepreneurial on your own.

[00:04:18] Dimple Thakrar: in a job, right? Are you creative? Are you somebody that loves to create new projects, loves to see new projects through, right? And that's what happened with me, with my jobs in the NHS. I'm 25. No, sorry, I'm 22. I got married when I was 22. And we lived with our in laws, my in laws, for a year. We thought we'd do that forever.

[00:04:49] Dimple Thakrar: I was very naive. Didn't know who I was. Didn't work out. I was just too similar to my mother in law, honestly. And we both wanted to be queens of the kitchen. And I, basically what I did was, I just said I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't live with his mum and dad. It was causing arguments, so we moved out.

[00:05:17] Dimple Thakrar: And that, for an Indian family, isn't seen in good lights, frowned upon. But even then I knew that we needed that space and time. And then my career took off. I started to get research projects and traveling the country, presenting my projects, presenting my research, really quite proud of myself, never wanted children, and even my girls know this.

[00:05:52] Dimple Thakrar: I have two daughters, never wanted children, always wanted to have a career. Little did I know. I had my whole plan of my life mapped out and I married the boy next door, this beautiful man who's been my best friend all my life. He was there the day I was born and so we've grown up together. He knew me inside out, six years older than me.

[00:06:20] Dimple Thakrar: And we had a world wide romance and it was beautiful. And I remember the day we got married, we played and we had this big fat Indian wedding that neither of us wanted, but our parents did. And we had I guess 1, 200 people there. It was crazy, big fat wedding. And we decided that we were going to have fun.

[00:06:47] Dimple Thakrar: And that was 28 years ago. Basically, we got married. We moved into our own home. It was wonderful. And then I had this moment of madness. Because you see, my man wanted a football team and I didn't want children. Maybe something we should have spoke about. Before we got married. Anyway, we had a moment of Russian roulette where I had a glimpse of A pang of wanting to be a mother. Came off the pill. Said, to him, we've got a month.

[00:07:26] Dimple Thakrar: And came off the pill and said we'll put it up to the universe. And even then we allowed whatever was meant to happen, But actually I inwardly prayed, please don't get pregnant. Please don't get pregnant. Please don't get pregnant. Cause I had the only experience I had of motherhood was my mom and her whole life being changed through babies and the almost obligation that she had to have children and how she was punished if she didn't have produced boys.

[00:08:04] Dimple Thakrar: Yeah. And so there's a lot of stuff there. So I was fiercely independent. And I felt like if I had children, I would lose my identity as this brilliant clinical dietitian who's known for her research and known for her work. And what happened was quite profound, really, because I was able to not get pregnant in that month.

[00:08:34] Dimple Thakrar: And I was like, yay! See? Universe doesn't want us to have children. But then what actually happened the following month was I did conceive on the pill. So you just never know how things are gonna turn out. And sometimes things happen for the best and the greatest good of all. And I have to tell you, motherhood has been the one thing if not the most expansive experience of my life.

[00:09:09] Dimple Thakrar: And so we had Maya, I was 25, and it was tough. And the moment we had her, my husband amped up his, ante when it comes to He worked 24 7, 12 till, sorry, 6am till 12 at night, Sundays, everything. And this is when the arguments started to happen. This is when I felt neglect. This is when I felt not seen, not heard.

[00:09:44] Dimple Thakrar: And, yes, we had passion, but there was a lot of fighting. And then it got to the point where we just were exhausted with the fight. He became a pleaser. I stripped him of his balls. And I wore the pants. And I made all the decisions and controlled everything. And he really lost who he was in all of that. I lost who I was in all of that.

[00:10:15] Dimple Thakrar: So come our 20th wedding anniversary, two children that were born in this world, five that were miscarried in between the two. We'd been through a lot. In the first year of my marriage, my mother passed suddenly at 47. And so there was a lot of baggage, a lot of stuff that we didn't know, a lot of the fact that we were so immature in our emotional intellect when we got married.

[00:10:46] Dimple Thakrar: We hadn't even communicated whether we wanted children or not, like big stuff, right? So we got to our 20th wedding anniversary and we were like, okay, I think we're done now. We love each other dearly, we're soul mates, but we just can't seem to communicate. And we had no relationship skills whatsoever.

[00:11:06] Dimple Thakrar: Didn't even know that there was a difference between men and women and their brains and their hormones and all the things.

[00:11:13] Dimple Thakrar: And so we planned for our divorce for our 25th wedding anniversary. That's romantic. The reason we did it was because Kira, our youngest child, would be 18 at that point. So how many times do you hear that? Couples just living until the children are old enough, but actually not realising that we're, we were torturing the children with the arguments and the silence and it was awful.

[00:11:43] Dimple Thakrar: And at the same time, I left the NHS and started my business. So I got a business coach and she recommended Tony Robbins. I'd never heard of him before. And I'm the kind of person I go deep dive, I get. I'm fully involved if, something feels a line I'm like, and even if it doesn't make sense, but I just have this knowingness, I trust my At that point it was my gut instinct, now I know it to be my feminine intuition.

[00:12:15] Dimple Thakrar: And there's like a pull, if you've ever had that pull to, this deep dive to Knowing that something is right. And then what happened was, I started watching him on YouTube and then there was this advert that came up. Of course there was because the algorithms were all showing what I'm watching. Saying he's coming to London.

[00:12:37] Dimple Thakrar: 2017, April. It's my birthday. Now I'd never traveled on my own. I'd always had the kids and I just said to my husband, I need to go. And he said, okay, go. He never said no to me. And he said, okay, I'll look after the children. You do what you need to do. Four days in London by myself. Never travelled on my own.

[00:13:04] Dimple Thakrar: I get lost going to the toilet in a restaurant if there's too many doors. He has to send the girls in to come get me because I get disorientated, right? So I went along thinking, oh, I'm going to really get great with my business. Day one, he says something about platinum partners. My whole body went, oh, yep.

[00:13:32] Dimple Thakrar: Like bearing in mind, I just started my business, seven months in, right?

[00:13:36] Dimple Thakrar: And so it was going well, but obviously, Nothing like an investment for partner and partners. And for those of you who don't know who partner, what partner and partners is, it's, a 12 month experience where you get invited to, to You follow Tony around the world for 12 months and you get three platinum only events.

[00:14:01] Dimple Thakrar: Now one of these events is called Relationship. He only does this every two years and it happened to be the year he was doing it, October that year. And it's based in Hawaii, one of my places I wanted to go. And I just was like, I've got to I've got to get there and I've got to get Atol all there. This is our only hope of getting there.

[00:14:27] Dimple Thakrar: Now bearing in mind that we're heading for a divorce we're planning it like a business strategy. Who's having what, how we're splitting the assets and all that. Because both of us have got really established, successful businesses at this point. He'd got several businesses at this point. And so I remember the day was on my birthday and I rang him at midnight and I said to him, Babe, I've done something crazy.

[00:14:58] Dimple Thakrar: Please, do not shout at me. It's not that he shouts, it's just his tonality made me feel like he shouts. And. I said, and he said to me, listen, it's midnight. I've been traveling the world. I'm really exhausted. He said he'd just acquired a brand new global company and he'd been traveling to all the different offices.

[00:15:24] Dimple Thakrar: And so he was exhausted and he said, whatever it is, We can do it. We can sort it. Just tell me. And he said,

[00:15:34] Dimple Thakrar: When I look back, actually, I'm pausing because when I look back, I think, God, what must he have thought first time I'm going away, it would go to, she's had an affair, right? I look back at the position I would put him in and he just said, please, whatever it is, just say it. And I literally vomited out the words.

[00:16:00] Dimple Thakrar: I've joined Platinum Partners and it costs 75, 000 US dollars. Little did I know that it was going to be double that because by the time you paid for all the travel, all the accommodation, all the things, right? And I could just about scrape together the deposit. And I'd signed on the dotted line. And now he's used to me doing crazy shit.

[00:16:23] Dimple Thakrar: He is, but not at this level. And I was so scared because I thought, how on earth am I going to pay this? What the hell's going to happen? But I just knew in my heart that this was the right thing. And I was scared of what he would say. And this was lesson number one. This beautiful man turned around and he said to me, listen, 22 years ago, you took a job so I could follow my dream.

[00:16:58] Dimple Thakrar: So I could be the entrepreneur that I needed to be. I couldn't do a nine to five. You supported me. I was the main breadwinner for the first 10 years. With a stable income, raising the children, running a full time NHS job and a private clinic job at the weekend, like all the things. And he said, so the way I see this now, it's simply an investment in you and your business.

[00:17:26] Dimple Thakrar: He said, we'll figure it out. My heart, sunk with joy and regret and guilt and shame and, So much hidden love for this man. So that was lesson number one. So then I had to figure out how to ask him to come to a relationship because it was the only event that Tony allowed partners to come to.

[00:17:56] Dimple Thakrar: And it was in Maui in October, 2017. Now this is how the universe sets tests. Cause it just so happened to be the exact week that he had his first and the biggest trade show of this business that he'd taken over in Cannes, France. So when I asked him, he said, I can't do it babe because I've got Cannes, France.

[00:18:25] Dimple Thakrar: Like I'm the CEO. I've got to show up for these people. And I said, okay. So of course that reinforced my whole belief that he was having an affair. The whole time I was married I thought this man is having an affair and the other woman is his work. And so he had a choice. Does he choose work and let his wife down or does he choose love?

[00:18:52] Dimple Thakrar: And let his 150 employees down, including family members in that.

[00:19:01] Dimple Thakrar: But I left it. I knew that if I kept badgering him, it would push him further away. And I also knew the pain that we were both enduring in our marriage. And I also knew the deep love that we felt for each other. And lesson number two. This beautiful man chose love, and he showed up at Maui. And on day one, Tony asks, who in the room doesn't want to be here?

[00:19:34] Dimple Thakrar: And Tony put his arm around his back, as if to indicate had your arm twisted, right? Three people stand up. Three. One of which was my man. My beautiful man. And it was in that moment, I felt an absolute split in my body. There was half of me that was going, Sit the fuck down you idiot, you are embarrassing me in front of Tony Robbins and all my platinum partner friends.

[00:20:13] Dimple Thakrar: In inverted commas, right? And then there was another part of me, literally split down the middle, my left side. was the divine feminine who felt so proud and so privileged to be married to a man who's willing to stand up for what he believes in, front of anybody and everybody. 500 people in the room, right?

[00:20:41] Dimple Thakrar: So he stood proud and he looked Tony straight in the eye and Tony looked him straight in the eye. And there was this majestic moment of masculine respect. It was magical. It was like Tony was seeing him as a man and honouring him as a man. It was so beautiful to witness. And what happened next was pure genius.

[00:21:14] Dimple Thakrar: Tony looked him in the eye and he said, I respect you. And he said, All I ask is that you keep an open mind, an open heart, and you're free to leave whenever you desire. And because he did that, Anatol gave him a nod, man to man. He said, okay. And he sat down. That was another lesson in knowing the man, knowing who I'd married, knowing what we'd stripped of each other.

[00:21:48] Dimple Thakrar: And so day one went brilliantly. Then we had this big fight day one evening. And then day two I asked him not to sit anywhere because, not to sit anywhere near me because basically, He had proved me that he's an idiot, I'm amazing, I'm the coach, I'm right, I can't be wrong, can't possibly be wrong.

[00:22:14] Dimple Thakrar: And that he needs to get his shit together, basically. Because this just justifies the divorce. And I got him to sit somewhere else, and I sat on the front row, in full of significance, with my, in inverted commas, platinum partner friends. He didn't know anybody. At this point, I'd been to several events. I knew everybody and they knew me.

[00:22:40] Dimple Thakrar: So it was so noticeable that my husband wasn't sat with me. And then all day I had, I can only describe it as a resting bitch face. So I had this resting bitch face on and everybody noticed, the trainers noticed, they were all coming to me. Are you okay? Atul was trying to pacify me all day. I was like, piss off.

[00:23:02] Dimple Thakrar: It got to half past 10 at night. We'd done a full day. Tony does long days, like long, long, 12, 13, 16 hours. He does not stop until the work's done. And he was sat at the back of a room and we were listening live to Esther Perel, who's an incredible relationship expert. And she'd finished what she was saying and she asked for comments.

[00:23:24] Dimple Thakrar: So I stood up, in my resting bitch face, righteous, I am correct. Stood up and said thank you Esther, what you're saying is you don't have to forgive. My God, and it was like I was, one upmanship on me, right? But you know when you're in a room and suddenly you realise that, You've just literally said the wrong thing because you feel the energy in the room just go And it drops and I felt this Frequency this heavy energy from the back of the room and what transpired next is nothing But short of a miracle, although it didn't seem like it at the time.

[00:24:12] Dimple Thakrar: It seemed like a tornado Because what transpired next was I felt Tony's energy come down the room, down the aisle, and it was like, Fi, Fo.

[00:24:31] Dimple Thakrar: And he came down the aisle and bellowed, Where is Dimple? My heart started beating at 100 miles an hour. This is not a situation you ever want to find yourself in, trust me. And so it was like time was in slo mo and I stood up really slowly, turned to my left and looked up. I had to look up because as he was coming to the front of the room, my five foot, two and a half Indian little frame looked up at what I can only describe as the sky.

[00:25:19] Dimple Thakrar: A six foot seven giant horse head of a man towering over me with this fierceness like I'd never seen. And he started to bellow at me. Now you will never see footage of this because it was intense. There were people in the room, platinum partners that have been there 15 years that have never seen Tony this intense.

[00:25:49] Dimple Thakrar: And I have to make the point at this point. Throughout this next two hours of intervention, there was under no circumstance was or did I feel intimidated, threatened, or any unsafe. I felt so safe in him. I felt his integrity, his honor, his respect to do what it takes for me. Because he let rip. His energy was fierce, his intensity was fierce.

[00:26:28] Dimple Thakrar: Now here's the third lesson. I was so in this moment with him, glued to his eyes, that I didn't notice this. Within a minute of Tony coming at me from the left hand side, my beautiful man from nowhere came down the aisle like a puffer fish.

[00:26:55] Dimple Thakrar: His chest was out, he was strong, he was tall, he was coming directly to Tony. What do you think he was doing? But here's the friggin drop the mic moment. It took for Tony Robbins to stop what he was doing, to face Atul, for me to even notice that he'd come down here. And Tony's whole face softened and he shrunk almost.

[00:27:30] Dimple Thakrar: And he put his arm round Atul and he said, I fucking love this brother. I fucking love this brother. He's come here to take me down to protect you.

[00:27:48] Dimple Thakrar: And it was in that moment that I learned lesson number three. I'd spent our whole marriage wanting to feel his love, his protection, his desire to be my man, and I just wasn't seeing it. I hadn't seen it. I missed it here, so if I'd missed it here, what else had I missed? What had I put blinkers on? What had I put tunnel vision on?

[00:28:19] Dimple Thakrar: Why had I built this wall of protection, thinking it would protect me from the outside world, when actually all it was doing was protecting me from the love that I had right in front of me, and my own love. Because what had actually been happening was, Tony was so fierce because he was matching my masculine energy.

[00:28:43] Dimple Thakrar: So imagine how fierce my energy was. Now there's nothing wrong with masculine energy. There's nothing wrong with feminine energy. And in a, future podcast, I'm going to talk to you about what those are. But actually what happened was Tony was matching and mirroring who I was. He wasn't bowing down and cowering into his feminine because that's not what I needed.

[00:29:11] Dimple Thakrar: He needed me to see the immature, toxic masculine that I was displaying in order for me to find my feminine again. In order for my man to come and protect me in his mature masculine. And that's exactly what he did. Two hours of an intervention with me halfway through going down on my hands and knees and begging.

[00:29:41] Dimple Thakrar: For forgiveness to my man, for all the times I'd stripped him of his balls, demasculated him, for all the times I'd criticised and Not supported him. Now, a lot of the women in the room are probably saying what about him? It takes two and it's true, it does. Because in that moment of me being on my hands and knees and my beautiful six foot man holding my hands, towering above me, this is what happened.

[00:30:20] Dimple Thakrar: He got down on his hands and knees and he looked me in the eye to eye, and he said, I'm not above you. I'm not less than you. He said, we are equal. When we are one and work equally, we become one. And he looked me eye to eye and he said, I'm sorry for letting this happen. I'm sorry for not being there and keeping you safe and protected.

[00:30:53] Dimple Thakrar: I had to go first. I had to lead. I had to surrender and ask for forgiveness to heal me. I had to let go of the masculine mask to reveal the truth of who I am, which is the divine feminine. And yes, I do have a masculine side, but the imbalance had created this depolarization and emasculation of my man and the depolarization of our marriage.

[00:31:27] Dimple Thakrar: And so by releasing, and it took courage, the masculine mask, because it's easy to protect yourself, it's a lot harder to surrender and be led. And to trust that he will rise. But you have to go first, you have to trust. And believe it's possible for you. And the intervention continued. And to this day, I'm super grateful that Tony saw the love in me that I couldn't see in me.

[00:31:58] Dimple Thakrar: And trusted that Atul and I were an energetic match. Because Atul has always seen the love in me. I just never believed him. Until now. And six years on, we are still married. Yes, we do still have challenges. Yes, every day we are committed to making our marriage work, even when we both travel now and our businesses are both global now.

[00:32:26] Dimple Thakrar: We both run seven, multiple seven figure businesses now, and I vowed that day I would pay back. And I switched my coaching from nutrition and relationship with food over to relationships, intimate relationships, and the expansion of those. And the expansion of the impact of those into the workplace and businesses.

[00:32:51] Dimple Thakrar: And I tell you, the number of marriages that I've saved as a result, and not every marriage is about saving. Sometimes you're not meant to be with that person. But it's about coming from an authentic energy of knowing who you are. And then seeing if they're the energetic match for you.

[00:33:12] Dimple Thakrar: And so I pay it forward. It's the reason I wrote my number one best selling book. For super successful men who have it all, the roadmap to purpose, it's, the reason I do this work because just to complete this long podcast, I appreciate you hanging in with me. I want you to know that the data shows of the 50 percent of people whose marriage is ending for, in divorce.

[00:33:46] Dimple Thakrar: 70 percent of them say that if they had the right tools and strategies on how to communicate, how to remain connected, how to create intimacy, the understanding of the masculine and the feminine, they would be still with their partners, still with their spouses. That to me tells me that children are being raised in broken homes for no good reason other than ignorance.

[00:34:18] Dimple Thakrar: I was ignorant. I nearly lost the love of my life through it. I'm so grateful to Tony Robbins for waking me and him up. For showing us what's possible. So what's possible for you? Where in your life are you showing up inauthentically where it doesn't feel good? And that's how you know. I had severe neck pain and it's quite common for women who are wearing a masculine mask.

[00:34:46] Dimple Thakrar: Severe neck pain for 15 years. I couldn't get rid of it. All sorts of difference. Physio, chiropractory, the moment I shed that masculine mask, my neck pain went. It was an energetic neck pain. And I understand all this now through my energy healing work. And so I know when I'm out of balance, prior to that intervention, my balance was around 70 percent masculine, 30 percent feminine, severe neck pain.

[00:35:17] Dimple Thakrar: The research actually shows that we create more testosterone in our bodies as women when we're out of balance and it creates a fierce masculine face like sternness and so the moment I switched which my and the numbers are arbitrary it's just to illustrate the point my healthy balance is around 70 percent feminine and 30 percent masculine and the moment that switched I don't have neck pain anymore.

[00:35:48] Dimple Thakrar: I just feel softer, I feel looser and I glow because I'm happy. Not because he makes me happy, but because I source my safety and happiness from me. And so that's what I teach now. I support women and men. To source safety and happiness from themselves first, to be whole first, so that they can create magic in their relationships, magnetizing the exact wholeness that they are in their spouses.

[00:36:24] Dimple Thakrar: Thank you so much. I love you dearly. Take care. God bless.